Another Surgery Down One More to Go!

Hello people of the internet!

It's been a while since I last updated, but things have been busy with me as I've been finishing up my last year of high school (woo-woo!). Anyway, I thought I'd give y'all a very quick update on what's going on in my life as far as surgeries and any orthodontic work and I guess what's going on in my life in general.

I have decided to make an advice blog on Tumblr and I thought that maybe some of y'all could go check it out. It's for anybody going into high school and needing advice and I will be sharing some of my own insight as I go on my journey through college! 

Here's the link: http://collegechickadvice.tumblr.com/

Anyway, I have graduated high school (finally!) and I am so happy to be done. I feel like getting surgeries in high school and even in middle school can be scary for people and they can really take a toll on you--especially when you're trying to catch up on school and stuff like that. However, any maxillary jaw surgery can be quite frightening no matter what your age because everyone has to put their life on pause to recover. 

So, I have graduated high school and I am currently looking for a silly job for the summer so I can start saving up for some spending money for college. I will be majoring in Neuroscience and I am super stoked about it (despite the fact that some people seem super awed by it and some people look at me like I'm weird. . .but whatever). I will be going to a 4-year university and I really am excited to start a new part of my life and meet new people and most of all. . . be DONE with surgeries!

So that's where my surgeries come in! So I just got one with a frenectomy with my periodontist which surprisingly wasn't as bad as it sounds! The shots definitely hurt than the actual "operation". For all of you who don't know what a frenectomy is, it's basically removing some tissue so that my lip can move farther and stuff. Anyway, it was a 30-minute procedure and it really just involved some cutting and some digging and then a little bit of stitches! So yay!

Anyway, there's like a triangle of my face that's numb, which I guess compared to the jaw surgery, is really nothing, but I really never have enjoyed the feeling of being numb on my face. . .but I guess you do need it. Of course, there will be some slight swelling and the recovery time probably a couple days to about a week and then I'll be all done with that surgery.

However, my orthodontist is really nervous about this bone that's showing in my gums from my jaw surgery so she wanted me to ask my periodontist about it and apparently, he just said that it was dead bone and it really wasn't going to affect anything. . .but I will probably ask my orthodontist about what she wants me to do about it if it's really not that big of an issue. But I'll probably find out in the next week. . .

Anyway, I have one more surgery that I've scheduled for this summer and it is for my nose, in other words I'm getting a rhinoplasty which. . . is basically a nose job.

Now before y'all start getting judgmental in your heads when reading this, I thought I'd let you know that my nose has always been just fine in my own view. There are times when I really hate how asymmetrical that it is but it was the way God made me and that was one thing that took me a really really long time to accept, but I think it's time I just get it fixed and most importantly and what I'm more excited about is that it should be helping me fix my breathing! I've said this before in previous blog posts, but I've had a really hard time breathing through my nose throughout my life and I've always been a mouth breather, but of course, the jaw surgery really did help, but I do want to be able to help it as much as I can.

I will be updating my recovery time for that as I go toward it, but I don't think I'm looking forward to the post-op stuff for this surgery either. I think I'll look more like crap than I did after the maxillary jaw surgery which isn't something I'm looking forward to, but I think I'll be happy with it after a year, just like the jaw surgery.

Anyway, that should be my very last surgery which makes me ecstatic, you have no idea. It's been a long journey for me and I'm really excited to have that all behind me and just look forward to enjoying the rest of college and everything else.

Anyway as far as the pain level for this last operation. . . 

Well, I'm starting to feel a little, tiny bit of pain which is like a 3/10 but I am still pretty much numb. If anything, the shots hurt the most and I really don't really like shots. . . ever so yeah. The recovery time is quick and I look forward to healing easily from this little operation!

Hope you all are enjoying your summer!

Updates and My Personal Thoughts on New Years

Well hello internet!

So, my last blog update wasn't my nicest blog ever but sometimes I just need to vent so I apologize for that. I really just needed to get out what I was feeling. However, that doesn't mean that I am forever grateful for being able to get my gums fixed so I wouldn't get an infection or for something worse to happen.

Anyway, this blog is kind of a two one. Right now, it's 11:02 where I live. . . almost new years and I figured I'd do an update for you guys and do my thoughts on "New Years" and all the ideas that come with it. Some of you might agree with me and some of you might disagree with me and that's okay, but this is just sort of a reflection update for me over what New Years is and just this past year or whatever.

So my update. . .

My gums are feeling better. It still hurts when I smile or when I put any kind of pressure on my upper lip. And what's funny, is because my graft was taken from two locations on the roof of my mouth, it feels better for me to have my retainer in because it puts pressure and makes the pain non-existent there, but when it's out in the open, without the retainer, everything is super sensitive.

Looking back at the surgery, I didn't like it. Obviously. And when I was going through it, I was thinking, "Man, if this is is what they're doing for this small kind of procedure (I put 'small' lightly) then what the heck did they do during my jaw surgery?" And you know what, that brought back some bad memories and that's probably why I ended up writing that interesting blog post this last week. I think I'm still learning to deal with surgeries and what it means for me to have them.

I may or may not have mentioned that when I finally got out of the office and went into the bathroom I broke down into tears. I deal with physical pain pretty well. However, I don't deal with emotional pain very well. I don't really know why. . . maybe it's just me but there are moments when I feel kind of broken down and I don't want to have to put up with going through surgery after surgery or problem after problem when it comes to my mouth and my teeth or even my face.

I still have at least two or three surgeries left, as far as I can see. My dad told me to look for noses I like. Why? Because I can get a nose job after everything's all done. And inside, that kind of makes me sad because I just can't seem to be okay with a lot of what that sentence means in context. Do I not like my own nose? Why can't I just accept my own nose? Sure, it's crooked. And definitely not symmetrical but it gives it a little bit of character, I guess.

But compared to where I was, last January, I definitely have a lot more self confidence and a lot more perspective on things. Surgery was a major deal. There were a lot of down and very few ups at the time I got it down but I love my new smile and even more so, I love that I can breathe! It's done loads for my playing the clarinet and it's done a ton for my singing.

Overall, surgeries are my least and favorite thing about my past. They've helped me in more ways I can say. They've also hurt me in more ways I can even think about. I've had a lot but at the same time, it's kind of something I have to go through. What's funny though, is one of my classes at school, I met a boy who was also born with cleft lip. No palate. I don't think, from what I can remember. He had six years of braces--pretty much like me. But no surgeries. And he's one of those guys that people like in high school and also. . . hate. He's cool. He's an athlete. Or. . . he was. He switched schools his senior year. But it made me think about how circumstances are always different and it's kind of interesting to see how other people have dealt with the same ordeals as me.

Anyway, from what I can see, I'm pretty okay. Pain is minimal except when smiling. My dentist said it looked good today. I was supposed to get a cavity filling in today but she didn't to mess around the grafting site so they decided to postpone it. Which in my mind, is totally okay because I really hate shots that go in my mouth. I really do. Like. . . with a passion.

**********************

New Years--it's a big "thing" around the world. It gives people the opportunity to change who they are and it gives them hope that change can happen.People make resolutions and plans such as, "I'll eat healthier!" or "I'll be more organized." "I won't procrastinate." "I'll work on my love life." Whatever they may be--it's kind of something most of us do and over the past 17 years, I've realized how silly they are. People will be so excited to get to it for the first past few weeks and then suddenly, things go back to normal.

Raise your hand if this has happened to you? **awkwardly looks around the room and raises hand slightly** Yep. Me too. I think the problem with New Years is it gives me a fake version of hope for change. Change can be great. Sometimes you're thrown into it and you have no word in it and then there are times like New Years. We have complete control over this sort of change. Change is a touchy thing because if you have the ability to change something then that means you're deciding whether or not happens and sometimes, it won't happen only because you aren't ready for change. You're not committed to making the change--despite the fact that you seem like you are because New Years has psyched you up for change. Hell, it makes sense! Change for the better makes all of us excited and proud of ourselves. We get motivated. But here's my question for me and the rest of you: If you wanted to change so much then why didn't you change some other time in the year?

Sounds harsh, but I definitely think I make sense. I could have ate healthy back in the summer. I could have started being organized yesterday. I could have stopped procrastination several years ago. But I didn't. And a lot of the times, I make the same resolutions every year and it just never happens. Why? Because I don't think I actually care.

New Years Resolutions are great. But only if you're ready for them. . .

Now, onto a different topic: Reflection.

Reflection through any mile stone is just kind of a natural extinct for us humans to do. We're emotional creatures. We're social creatures. So we look back at our year and say, "Wow. Thanks [fill in important people here] for making this year such a great one! Here's to another year!" Or maybe, "Wow. This year sucked. Next year will be better." Or "Wow! I learned so much through this year. I've met new people and I've had my heartbroken. Despite all of that, this year was great and I really hope next year will be just as great!"

I love reflection--as you can see. And here's my hypocritical side coming out of me--why the hell do we have to do this every year? Why can't we reflect every day? Or every month? Or every 6 months? I don't get it. What makes the fact that the number of the year changes makes us reflect on the past year?

I personally look back at 2013 in both a personal way and a social media way or pop culture way. Two totally different things but I feel like reflection isn't really much until we actually take it and really learn from it. Here's what I have to say about both pop culture of 2013 and my own life.

Pop culture? Crap. Don't get me wrong, this year had some intriguing things in it. Miley Cyrus and her tongue. The U.S Government shutting down. A shooting nearby. The Harlem Shake. "What Does The Fox Say?" More war. More hatred. More technology. Sexist music and videos. Great movies. Bad movies.

All of it isn't all that memorable sometimes. Personally, I hate Miley Cyrus' public image. I don't know about her as a person but to me, she really just wants to be remembered. And she will be. I don't know if she will be memorable for really genuine moments, but who knows. Politics aren't even worth discussing. People are always going to be hateful and spiteful. Catastrophes all over the world are always something that I think are touchy. People remember them but I don't know if anybody really change because of them. I say this because I look back at my own school shooting from when I was in 8th grade and sure, protection has gone up but I feel as though community only happened because of the tragedy. And in ways, it's both good and bad. Community should always be there--it shouldn't matter the circumstance. But in the same way, tragedy always ends up bringing out the absolute worst and best of people. It's crazy to me. Pop music will forever be something that I either absolutely HATE or love. That's just me. Catchy tunes make me happy. However, music is something that means the world to me. So when I see artists doing crazy things. . . well, to me, I don't think it makes sense to call themselves musicians just because that person can look psychotic on a stage while sing well. Real music is music that makes you reflect on life. Pop music is a great way to have fun with, but it isn't music that touches my heart and my soul.

On a personal note. . . this year has had some major ups and some major downs. As you all know, surgery has just taken over my life. My face looks different because of it. I sound different because of it. I loved the overall outcome of it. I hated it at the moment. I think, it just goes to show that if you're too closely involved in a situation, sometimes it's impossible to see things clearly until you take a step back or ask for some guidance from an outside perspective. 

This year, I saw a friend leave my life. We're still in contact but it's certainly not the same. At the same time, I made two really awesome gals who have really helped me kind of become myself. They're just as crazy as me but the three of us are so different that it's good because we balance each other out.

I got closer to God. I met some really great Godly people who I truly admire and look up to because they've helped me through some really hard times. I met some really awesome girls at camp from youth group who taught me a lot. And some of them were several years younger than me. They taught me that it doesn't matter your age--God is always there and if you let Him, He'll bring some really awesome people into your life. You just have to want it. And because of that, I met some really great, Women of God who changed my life.

I grew a lot in passions that I love.

 Marching band was tough on me emotionally this year. The friends I met came from marching band. Despite the fact I wasn't really fond of it, they were there and dealt with my venting and pushed me as a clarinetist. And hell, as a marching band, we put on one HELL of a last show. It was memorable.

Choir . . . has been. . . interesting. Since it's been two school years in the last year, there was a dramatic change. I don't love school choir anymore so much but I learned a lot from the gals who were in it last year. I'm learning how to be more of a leader. I'm learning that I don't deal with people very well and I need to asking for patience. I've learned what it means to become more of an independent singer. I learned that failure is okay. . . especially when it comes to auditions. In the past three years, I auditioned each year for my school's musical and not ONCE did I make it. However, I decided to do tech for musical. Yes, there are people who annoy me there too (that's just my personal nature) but I still loved some of the people who I did meet and make bonds with. I learned that just because I didn't get into something doesn't mean I won't have a talent somewhere else. And even though I failed several other auditions, I managed to get into ALL STATE CHOIR and be the ONLY girl from my school who got in. Which is a HUGE deal. I learned to have confidence in myself in ways that means I need to be okay with my failures. Music is always going to be a part of my life--small or big. I love it. I love doing it. But I don't do it so I can do great things with it. Even if I'm not very great in say, acting and singing, I still love being able to sit in my room and pluck out some beautiful sounds on my guitar in my room in private.

Most of all, I've really just learned acceptance. Hell, I'm still learning it. I'm learning what it means to accept myself and my own flaws. I need to learn not to be so hard on myself. I need to learn to be patient still. I need to learn how to just take things as it goes and just kind of go on with things. I need to learn to understand people a little bit better. I need to learn to deal with things better. But this year was full of well, just a lot of events and a lot of memories. I took them and made reactions out of them and lessons. That's what every year is. But mostly, I've really learned what I need to work on.

In this next year, I don't really have resolutions. I just hope that I can learn them and not force them upon myself. I hope that college will go accordingly. I hope that All State Choir will be bombtastic. I hope that I learn to survive more surgeries. I hope that graduation will just come and go and I won't have to see people from high school EVER again. I hope that other people plan to change things because they want to NOT because they feel the NEED to.

As for me, I'm going to go and read Harry Potter and enjoy myself. I don't care that I didn't do anything special tonight. Most people feel so upset because they didn't do anything enjoyable. But to me, tonight is just another night. I've reflected tonight just as much as I did, if not LESS, than I did when I got my surgery done.

It is now 11:59. My last moment in 2013 and all I can say is I just hope throughout my life, things go well. NOT just 2014. Or 2015. ALL OF IT.

Happy New Years everyone and I hope I enlightened some of you.

Procedure Done

I'm home!

Unfortunately, I'm in a good amount of pain. And I really, really, really, really, REALLY hate doctors. For so many reasons.

If anything, this blog post might be a venting post if not anything else. So, I had tissue grafts done which means I had two areas of the roof of my mouth taken apart and put somewhere else. I don't know about you, but that sounds PAINFUL! And it is! Especially when your doctor doesn't give you enough Novocain to begin with! Second of all, my periodontist was all, "Oh there's this new technology that we use! It vibrates and it makes sure the shot that you put in for the Novocain doesn't hurt at all!" WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! In fact, the vibrating stick DOES NOTHING for the pain when you get a shot--ESPECIALLY when it's on the roof of your mouth! WHY THE HELL DO YOU DO IT IN THE FIRST PLACE?! What?!?!?! HAVE YOU TRIED IT ON YOURSELF! I DON'T THINK SO DOC!!!!!!!!!

Second of all, I just feel the need to say something about how doctors just randomly talk to their freaking assistance as if the patient isn't there! NO DOCTOR, I DON'T CARE ABOUT WHAT YOU SAW AT THE DAMN DRIVE-IN! It's completely irrelevant and I don't care about it! And quite frankly, your making the procedure sound super nonchalant as if it's no big deal! Uh. . .no, doc, sorry. . . it IS a big deal!

Third of all, this procedure? Yeah. . . LOTS OF BLOOD. And because I was completely aware of everything that was going on around me, I was NOT a fan of having the damn assistance jab a freaking suction thing in my mouth every chance she got! I'D MUCH RATHER SWALLOW THE BLOOD than having you freaking choke me with a freaking suction thing!

Fourth of all, after going through jaw surgery, I don't even want TO KNOW what they did during my jaw surgery and what that felt like during the surgery. Because these grafts were NOT fun. All you hear is freaking chipping going on in your gums and scraping and they prick YOU A TON! It's not fun! Quite frankly, I miss my doctor for my jaw surgery because at least he was personable. This guy? OH NO. He was just "let's do this and go from there." In my own opinion, I don't think that's the best way to go about something as painful as a tissue graft.

Anyway, now that I'm done with my venting here's how it went:

I got there. They brought me back and the used that STUPID vibrating crap in my mouth while they were giving me the Novocain shot (which did NOTHING) and then they waited a little bit for it all to settle in. All in all, I think I got around 4 shots. All of them hurt. After that, they did a lot of poking and prodding around my tooth that was getting the graft and then they a lot of poking and prodding on the roof of my mouth where they were getting the tissue for the graft from. That DID hurt. And only one graft took about. . . hmmm an hour and like twenty minutes or something. I was gagging on my own blood it was FANTASTIC. Then they moved on to the other graft which was just as annoying as the first one. All in all, it was the same thing. They cut out tissue, they poked me, stitched four areas in total in my mouth and now I'm done.

Quite frankly, going through it just reminded me of jaw surgery and that experience. . . isn't something I like to remember. It was painful and it made me feel very vulnerable. And that's basically how I'm feeling now.

So let's start to gage some stuff:
Pain: 4/10 (It's throbbing pain)
Emotional state: I'm a mess. Let's be honest. It brought back bad memories.
Diet: I'm on a liquid diet for the day. WHOOPDEEFREAKINGDO.
Numbness: I'm basically numb anywhere in my upper lip, my gums, and like the first part of my palate which is where they got the tissue from.

Overall, I'm more annoyed than anything else. Nevertheless, I'm still a sarcastic person who doesn't like doctors.

I am now going to spend the rest of the day in my bed, reading Harry Potter, watching Harry Potter, and going on Pottermore and be taking strong meds.

Another Surgery

Why hello!

It has definitely been a while and I really had to go back and think about all the things I've been through for the past few months. I have to say, things have been going well since the last surgery that I had. Jaw surgery is a major surgery. It's a big deal and it definitely can have it's impact on you. It made an impact on me, that's for sure.

Anyway, recently, just about two weeks ago, I got my braces off. . . if you couldn't tell by the last post! It felt so great to get them off, but of course, my upper teeth (since I had upper jaw surgery only) are still a bit unstable. Hell, I had my braces on for seven years so getting them off was a big difference to me! I felt myself running my tongue over my teeth all the time after I ate because I was afraid I had food in them! Haha. . . how ironic.

Anyway, as a real update for all of you, I would have to say that jaw surgery is definitely well worth it. I look into the mirror and I feel really proud of my smile and it's definitely been a long journey for me. I've had MULTIPLE surgeries, including the jaw surgery, as well as seven years of braces. I had them on since fifth grade and I am now a senior in high school. However, I started with only braces on my upper teeth and I also started out with an expander (also not very fun) but all in all, it was all really worth it. It's definitely been an emotional roller coaster for the past few months, but with some really great friends, an even more amazing GOD, and my family, I've been able to get through it. Sure, my best friend moved away, but I managed to get closer to new friends and God and that has really proven to help me become stronger as an individual. Oh. . . and using jaw surgery as my college essay was a huge help too (; hahaha.

For the most part, the feeling in my face and upper mouth is back. If I touch it, I can definitely feel that I've been touching it.  However, my upper gums don't really have their feelings or sensitivity back, which in ways can help sense my teeth are still sensitive. I still find it hard to eat certain things, because my teeth are sensitive and I definitely find it hard to play clarinet sometimes because I do bite with my upper teeth.

One thing I did fail to mention (or so I think) is that after my jaw surgery, I had a tooth root showing in my upper gums. Basically, it looks like gums. My surgeon, from my jaw surgery, assumed that it would close up after a few months and that just never happened. And on top of that, it seemed as though I have either one or two dead teeth from the jaw surgery which is kind of disappointing. Because of that, I had to go to the periodontist last week (Tuesday to be exact) and now. . .  well, tomorrow morning, I have two tissue grafts planned. I have to say, I'm nervous but I'm definitely not as nervous as I was for the jaw surgery.

The jaw surgery scared me to pieces. As most people have told me, I have a HIGH tolerance for pain. It's just who I am and I've been through a lot of pain because of other surgeries and I manage to deal with it. (Except when I fall, I'm sick, or I get hit, then it all hurts like hell). But of course, despite my high tolerance of pain, I was extremely nervous for my surgery and looking back at it, I certainly had every reason to be. It HURT. And it was not fun at all. Of course, that morning of my jaw surgery, I basically broke down into tears when I went to go change into my hospital gown. That's how scared I was.

However, now I'm looking at tissue grafts which also. . . don't seem to sound that pleasant. I mean, for all of you who don't know what tissue grafts are. . . well it's basically taking a piece of your tissue on your palate and taking it and putting in your gums. I don't know about the rest of you, but that really doesn't sound that pleasant. And of course, my friend's aunt had the same operation, and she said it hurt like HELL. She said that it took months for it to heal because it's healing in an area that's wet and damp (your mouth). However, my periodontist said that it only takes a few days for it to feel better and just a couple of weeks for you to feel better. And let's be honest, I think my friend's aunt's condition was rare and was an exception.

Just like I did for my jaw surgery, (I was stupid) and I decided to look stuff up about it just now and it turns out, it really isn't that bad. It really does take a couple weeks to heal and the most pain you feel is like having a really bad burn on the roof of your mouth.

After having a week to process it (well 5/6 days), I've realized that it really can't be ANYWHERE nearly as bad as jaw surgery. The pain will be nothing. The emotional damage will be NOTHING. The diet will be nothing. Overall, I feel pretty confident in myself. I feel pretty good about going in tomorrow morning and being okay with everything. I think at the end of the day, I think it's more important to get it done. I mean, the jaw surgery I don't think was NECESSARY for my health but this is and it'll make my smile look even better than it already is.

I think after going through a ton of other stuff, I think I'm more than well prepared for this surgery. It's amazing what past experiences can do for you. I actually decided to get two surgeries in one day and I also decided to only get numbed up instead of having an IV or even having laughing gas which just means I'm not as nervous which definitely brings comfort to myself.

For any of you going through jaw surgery or any surgery at all, I wish you luck. . . especially as I go in for another one tomorrow morning! (:

Braces are off!!!!

Hi guys!

I thought I would do a very, very quick update and tell all of you that my braces are finally off! I've had them on for seven years and I just got them off today! And what's really funny though, is that I didn't know I was getting them off today! Haha. Anyway, the retainers are kind of annoying and they really kind of bother me when I take the upper retainer out because my teeth are still sensitive from jaw surgery, but other than that, it feels great to have them out!

Here's a picture!

Judgment and Priorities

The title of this particular blog has one the words I hate the most. It's the word that people keep saying I do. It's the word everyone does and everyone resents. It's the word that scared me the most during my time of my surgery.

The second word is what we dictate our lives over and such. Right? We prioritize. We decide what we need to and what we don't need to do. And part of that can relate to the first word. We set priorities and we judge those who don't have the same priorities. You get the idea.

It's annoying. It's aggravating. We all hate it. And if you like it when people make judgments about you then I'd say that you were a big. fat. liar. Nobody likes to be judged as something they aren't. Nobody likes to be told what they can and cannot do based off of someone's judgment. Hell, nobody likes it when people set your priorities for you. Right? Or am I just generalizing things?

I have set my priorities--especially as a high school students. I also have my own opinions. I also can judge people. As do most. It can be a good judgment or a bad judgment. Either way, we all know that in the back our own little heads, judging others is never okay. So why the hell do we all do it? Why do we put our expectations on others? Is it just to judge other people?

As most of you know, if you've been following this blog enough, you'll know that I'm a Christian. I'm a strong Christian and I love all the fellowship I've made through being a Christian. I believe in God and accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior. It's a stereotype that Christians though are probably one of the most judgmental people. Why? Because we expect others to act the way we do because we assume that our beliefs are the right beliefs. Logically, that makes sense but biblically it doesn't. Christians, as most people would also assume, shouldn't judge others. Nobody should and yet I feel like Christians can be the most who do just that.

The more I go to church the more I feel like people are expecting to know more about God and such. I know that's what's supposed to happen. I know that I should be working on that but when I have other expectations that lay on my shoulders, it's hard to do that. I'm trying not to make mistakes. I don't have the time and I'm not making the time. I'll be honest about that. But what I don't understand is why people can't be understanding of that. No. I can't be a perfect Christian like you. I have other priorities. Yes, God is my top priority but at the same time, it isn't right for others to make my priorities for myself.

I'm a high school student. I'm applying for colleges. I need sleep. I go to church all of Sunday. I go to Youth Group on Wednesdays. I try to prioritize things right now in a way where I won't get bored or frustrated. And it isn't okay for anybody to ask me to prioritize things differently. It's hard enough for me to have down-time, let alone read. I realize I should read the Bible. But randomly asking me what certain means from the Bible is just plain out rude. Especially when my priorities are different than others. I KNOW I need to make time. I also KNOW that I won't do it when people are pressuring me to do so. Being Christian is a choice and asking me to do things for the better of me isn't the same thing. I have to want to do it.

God has made me stronger. I believe that--especially after this surgery. But one of the hardest battles all Christians have is making God our top priority. It's hard. And for someone to go and put pressure on me to know things from the Bible almost throws me off because they just assume things about me. They put weight on my shoulders that I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR.

See what I fail to understand is why Christians seem to assume that we're all perfect and judge others who aren't even though deep down, we all know that we aren't.

Quick update:
Emotional: Okay. Annoyed, but okay.
Swelling: Gone, I'd assume.
Pain: 1/10 ( I still get the occasional pain in teeth when playing clarinet and eating.)
My fistula still kind of has a small opening and the stitches around it are sore.
My diet is back to normal.
Congestion: Bad. I was sick all last week so yeah.

Anyway, that was my rant for the week. Hopefully, I won't have to too many times for that.

Many New Things!

Why hello people of the internet!

I thought I'd be creative and just do a weird little introduction there. Ha. (:

I feel like I haven't posted an update in a long time and I think it's because well, I've been busy and I just don't dwell on my surgery as much as I did back. . . in March. Wow. It's been five months? WHEW! That's a long time.

I can't say that it's like everything is brand new or like I can't tell that I've gotten surgery because then I'd be absolutely lying. There are still some adjustments I'm making to my every day stuff. For one, I can't eat a chip normally to save my life. With the surgery came a lot of new space in my mouth that wasn't there before. I know that sounds kind of impossible when I say that. Almost like, "How could you make more space in your mouth than there was before?" Well, the doctors didn't make my mouth bigger. I don't think that's really. . . possible but he did expand my upper jaw so they could align properly with my lower teeth (if that makes sense). And even though everything feels great and stuff, I still have issues eating certain things LIKE CHIPS. It's aggravating. XD

Another thing that I'm still dealing with is the tightness in my face. While it's gone down TREMENDOUSLY in the last five months, it's still there. I've also noticed that I definitely have some scars in my mouth (which added to the ones I had before that). I've had several surgeries before this which is something I've really come to terms with. Anyway, the scars are. . . tender and kind of not fun to feel around with the tongue. I now have two new scars that are on the left and right side of my upper gums on the far sides that kind of go up even toward the gums and the inner, upper lip. It's a weird sensation, that's for sure. When I first got my splint off and I felt around (very carefully, might I add) I noticed the scars but I thought they'd heal because they didn't seem like scars. Needless to say--I was wrong.

Lastly, (and I've mentioned this before) I also have my new bite to deal with when it comes to playing the clarinet! Music is a huge part of my life and such but you know what? I'd much rather choose a beautiful smile rather than playing clarinet and being a section leader in freaking marching band. Not that I don't love marching band or playing the clarinet but I've been dealing with my mouth, my teeth, and my smile for a really long time and it's something I'm going to have to live with a for a long time and that's much more important to me at the end of the day.

I only mention that last thing because well, I've started marching band again for the year. It's band camp and that means two straight weeks of playing and marching at the same time. I've been able to start playing in the higher register again (and with a lot of ease compared to last time) and that's been really fun and exciting. Also, because I got a fistula closed during my jaw surgery, NO AIR ESCAPES! That's even more exciting. Why? Well, when you play the clarinet and air escapes because of a hole that's in your mouth. . . well then you run out of air faster and it just causes for bad breath support overall. It's really cool to know that I can play normally--just like everyone else in my section. Of course, with all these positives, there are a few negatives--but I'm learning to deal with them. Because of the surgery and because I wasn't able to play for a few months, I couldn't audition for section leader back in the spring. That was a downer and I was really angry and just depressed about that, but I've decided that God has brought me a lot of great opportunities in the last few months and He has blessed with me so many other things and for that, I'm not going to dwell on anything. Sure, I'm reminded of it every day. Sure, I'm sure I would have been a pretty okay section leader. But God has a plan. And that's all that matters. Another, downside to the surgery is I still have pain when I play. However, I'm able to play for a while now. About an hour or so. Which is an improvement from a month ago. Before that, I could barely play for a half hour. It's going to take a while but I'll get back to being able to without any restrictions.

Another two new things which is fun. Or I guess, maybe three? I'm not sure. Well, first of all, I got a haircut! So that's a great feeling! Ha. XD And secondly, I got my senior pictures done on Saturday, the 3rd of August. It was really interesting smiling for pictures again and to think about all the stuff I've gone through for the past few months and all the growth I've done. The photographer told me he noticed my braces which reminded me that unlike most people my age, I still had mine on. Most have had them off. I've had my braces on when people got theirs on AND off. It's kind of funny. . . in a rather ironic way. Anyway, he asked if maybe I'd want them to be edited out. I thought about it and he said there weren't any promises but they'd try. Well, right now, I have these really small, tight rubber bands that my orthodontist keeps changing the position of and I'm thinking about HOW close I am to getting my braces off. She keeps saying, "September or October." THAT'S IN ONE OR TWO MONTHS! That's crazy! AND SUPER EXCITING! I'm so excited to have them off and be done with them. They've brought me so much pain. So many annoying eating habits. And they really restricted me when I first started learning the clarinet. I WANT THEM OFF. I think I deserve to have them off too, especially because I've had them on for six years. :P

Anyway. . . an official update:

Swelling: Gone? I still can't tell.
Emotional Status: Great! (: Sometimes a little angry or bitter about things but overall, I'm happy!
Pain: 3/10 (I played clarinet for a while today. It hurt. ): )
Diet: Normal with some weird ways in eating things. . . I can't bite directly into some things.
Numbness: Still a tad tight in my lips. Still somewhat numb in my gums and my hard palate.
Speech: Sounds awesome! (:
Congestion: I'm getting super annoyed with my allergies these days where my nose gets runny and then stuffy in one nostril. Very frustrating.

Time for a picture? Sure! Why not!

Looks good if I do say so myself! (: